When There's Nothing Left To Burn; You Have To Set Yourself On Fire

So. This is cheesy. But fun.
I wrote a letter to my future (or not so future) "soul-mate".
So. Ehmm....Here it goes:

Dear Whomever,

      You're probably never going to find me. Let's face it. Hell, even if you do; I'll probably push you away. I don't trust myself to love. To love means to let go, give in, and become vulnerable. I don't do a lot of things well, but letting my walls down to vulnerability is something I do horribly. Truth is, somedays, I hope I don't find you. Not all days, not even most days, but sometimes I don't want to possess your heart, because I know i'll fuck it up. And I've been heartbroken before. If I pushed YOU away...it'd feel 100% worse than any of the others, and honestly, nature doesn't make strong enough weed to help me deal with that one.

     This sounds sooo pessimistic.

     Well.

     On the off chance that I don't push you away...and I find you...and I stop being cynical...

     I hope you're intelligent. I hope sometimes you're overly obsessed with yourself. It's a weird thing to want, but sometimes I'm so narcissistic that I'd like you to understand. I'd like you to stand up to me. Put me in my place. Because sometimes I fall out of line.

     I hope you laugh often and you only cry in private.

     That you're insecure but you mask it with sarcasm.

     You love passionately but never over-use the words, "I love you".

     You don't care about being tidy. Your clothes are all over our bedroom floor. And you don't get mad when you find my towel laying in the bathroom floor still.

     You like my cooking, and you're always grateful. Because cooking and cleaning means love. :)

     You like kisses but you never expect them and you never demand them.

     You have a touch that can in one movement tear me apart but also make me feel whole.

     You're always ready to make love, but you never make me feel easy when I give in.

     You're terribly flawed. But you know it.

     You don't have to, but it'd be nice if you played guitar. Acoustic, of course. And then you could write me a song. But only one, because that one song would sum everything up perfectly.

     You find hugs as awkward as I do.

     You crave alone time and let me have mine. I'd like to be able to sit in silence for hours at a time and still feel connected.

     And most importantly....

     You're you.

     Something that I could never invent.

     And you'll love me deeper than anyone ever has.

                                    :),

                                       Courtney