You're Not Half The Man Your Mama Is...

"You have to love yourself before you can love someone else."

Is this true?

I feel like it isn't.
I know a lot of people who hate themselves that are in relationships.

But if it IS true....I'm screwed.

I like myself alright.
But I know I'm overly sarcastic.
Three times this week, alone, I've been asked why I'm so "mean" all the time.

And really...I don't know.
I never tell people how good they are at things or how much I like spending time with them.
It's easier to just make snide comments and keep things on a shallow level.
I don't have to get to know someone, get attached and develop relationships.
And I'm pretty sure this is why every relationship I'm in turns to sex.
I'm terrified to sing in front of someone I'm crushing on because I feel like they'll judge me negatively, but I'm 100% fine with discussing how much porn I watch.
That's horrible.

Everytime I feel myself getting too close to someone in a relationship, my mind automatically goes to sex. I start sending racy messages and boob shots. And it's ridiculous that I do this, because I'm NOT going to have sex with the guy. I just like being a tease, I guess.

Maybe I should start loving myself.
Start doing some inner soul searching.
Stop being so mean all the time and tell someone how much they mean to me.
Because saying, "Hey, I really like spending time with you," means way more than, "Well...it was fun hanging with you...even though we did nothing...and it was boring...and I'm glad to leave. :D <---sarcastic smile"
I'll stop making sexual jokes and whenever I feel that tug on my heartstrings, I'll own up to the emotions I'm feeling and not try to discuss surface meaningless physical things.

I'll try working on and doing this, and maybe I'll find someone that's worthy of me.
Someone that doesn't just see me as a friend.
Someone that values me as a person.
Someone that finds my thoughts interesting.
Someone that knows what I'm saying before I say it because he's thinking the same thing.
Someone that knows what I'm laughing about because he's laughing at the same thing too.
Someone that makes me happy and makes me think about them every day.

I want that.



And if I can't have that, then the world can keep it's fucking "monogamy" because I'll be starting a puppy farm.