I Loved You Then And I Love You Now

Things that have happened this last week?

Last Monday:
Car didn't start.
Took mom's van.
Picked up Jocelyn and Blake.
Went to Mitchell's.
O.o
Got stoned.
Drew pictures on his "living room" wall with highlighters while the blacklight was on. My picture of choice? A penis, of course. Teeheehee.
Tried a water bong.
Decided not to try a water bong again after seeing Blake inhale a shit ton of water and after tasting the most disgusting hit ever.
Called Kum n' Go (A gas station, not a porn shop) for fried chicken while high.
Went to Kum n' Go.
Saw cops.
Decided fried chicken wasn't all that important.
Drove around in the rain in a minivan completely baked until going home.

The rest of the week was a blur. Mostly involving Blake and/or Jocelyn and/or alcohol/weed.

I worked on Thanksgiving. It was so lame. 
Kristyn had a party planned for that night, and I had plans to go.
And I did.
So I bought some vodka for my friends, picked up Rodney and Blake and went.

It started off good.
A couple of shots.
A few passes of the joint.
I started being loud and shouty.
I remember telling Jocelyn that she needed to stay a virgin.

Then the night went bad.
I started throwing up every 20 minutes almost.
Luckily, I made it to the bathroom every time.
Even when Kristyn was using the actual toliet, she held my hair back while I puked in her bathtub while saying, "Do you need bread? I think bread fixes everything..."
After puking, I went in the living room and passed out on the floor ala superman style.
Jocelyn, of course, started kicking me and trying to get me to "lick Blake's asshole" because "it tastes like Strawberry Cake".

Whatever.

I drove home. Even though I shouldn't have.
And I regretted drinking.
Probably won't be doing that again.

The next day, I went to Blake's and hung out with him for a bit.

Then Saturday night, I went to Eric's. :)
So stupid, I know.
I tried to blow him off.
I told him I picked Blake over him to hang out with.
And he STILL wanted me to come over.
So I did.
And he let me stay the night this time. AGAIN.
He NEVER lets me stay. He always kicks me out.
But this time he let me stay the whole night, undisturbed.
And whenever I said I had to leave, he checked his phone to make sure we didn't have extra time.

So, I'm not getting my hopes up or anything, but I'm hoping that these are maybe prospecting signs for the future of this very unhealthy, staggering relationship.
And if it's not a good sign, maybe all this hanging with Blake stuff will pay off.

But he is a kid. And I know he wants to explore. So I know the chances of that are dismal.

Blah.

On another hand, I learned that Olay ProX Professional sucks balls.
I've been on Proactive/BareMinerals since I was 13. But that's expensive products for a waitress in Arkansas, so I decided to try other things.
I thought, for the first two weeks, that Olay would pay off because it was cleaning out my blackheads and smoothing my skin out. However, it never cleared my skin and actually caused it to break out more. I don't know if it's the skin care regimen or the Revlon makeup. I'm switching both though. I decided to try AcneFree Severe because it has benzoyl peroxide like Proactive and I know that Proactive at least worked at managing my acne even if it didn't clear me 100%. And I'm thinking about picking up some Smashbox foundation tomorrow since I'm saving money on my skin care regime (I went from $60/month to $22/month :D).

I always get super excited about makeup/body products/skin care products.
I could spend $1,000 on the crap.
The other girls can have their shoes. I want their makeup.


Oh, P.S., Eric mentioned moving to Oregon maybe. It bums me out.
I need to learn to get unattached so that I won't miss him.
He backtracked Saturday a little and said it was a 50% chance of him going.
But that's still 50% more than I like.
Hopefully, he doesn't go.

Maybe.

Maybe that'd be the only way for me to get over him though.
For him to leave.

Hm.