If you can't be with the one you love; then be with everyone

Some asshole sang that once.
Pft.

I'm feeling down. Hoping that writing whatever I got in my head at the moment will help release this tight grip on my stomach.

Probably not though.

So my ex boyfriend, Bryan, decided that he misses me.
Wants me to come see him in Texas in August so he can kiss me and the such.
He broke up with his girlfriend, but her family hates her in Arizona, so he let her stay until she could find somewhere else to go.
Which makes me hesitate.
Everything about him makes me hesitate.
Like, how can you say you love me so much and so easily when I haven't talked to you in months? And haven't said I love you in years?
It's hard to wake up and see his name on my phone and to see, "It's okay. I love you".
Does he?
Because i fell for that once before.
Twice before.
Almost three times before.
Aw, what am I kidding myself? I did fall the third time.
Stupid me.

He always sets me up to fail. Always makes me believe in his words, just to tear them away at the last moment.
Says he loves me the whole time until his next sentence is "I've found the one"; and it's not me.
It's Megan. It's Jesse. It's Brianne.
It's anyone but me.

"I've given you my best/why does she get the best of you?"
Ha.
Oh, country music lyrics. How depressing. But fitting.

I don't know if I can allow myself to trust again. To go. To stay for a week in his arms, in his bed, with his words hanging in the air. Him telling me not to leave. Telling me to move in with him because he misses me. Telling me that he loves me over and over again.
Gah.

Why do I feel like I'm ready to break?
I feel on the verge of tears everyday.

Eric still hasn't answered me. But he's been online everyday active on Facebook. Guess he's done with me.
And that's that.
Two years spent on wishful thinking...this whole 6 months of feeling deeper feelings for someone who was ready to let me go the whole time.
I wish men were cursed to love the people they have sex with.
Because then it'd make it easier for me to say that I'll be okay.

I'm not alright.
Not at all.

I just want to disappear.

Never Gonna Hear...

It pisses me off.

If you don't want to talk to me; then tell me so. Tell me to leave you alone.
Instead of dragging me down.
Because it fuckin kills me to wait on someone.
I know you're blowing me off.
I see how you're randomly on Facebook all the time.
Talking to someone apparently.
But you can't answer a fuckin text message?
I'm about done with it all.

And give me back my fuckin DVD. Asshole.

What's Your Guilty Pleasure?

Because I have a bunch. Hehe. ;P

ANYways though. The last few days have been quite uneventful and sad.

I texted Eric to hang, and he was all, "blah blah, maybe Monday at the earliest, blah". I feel like he's just kinda done. "Don't you have any dicks in the 'gould you can have until I'm available?" It's nice to know the guy you're sleeping with and secretly wanna love is TOTALLY fine with you fucking other people and actually encourages it. Douche.

But Larry finally said something to me
He's not a cop!!!!
The best news ever.

But he kept calling me a whore and stuff.
So I politely told him that me calling him "stupid" would never be as bad as what he did to me. To which he said he "felt guilty about" and blah blah fuckin blah. He only cares about himself.
I dont' know why I expected him to actually feel something for me for once.
I don't know why I expected a decent apology.

I didn't get one though.
He just said stuff like, "I hope God gives me what I deserve..."
Wanting me to feel bad for HIM.
Fuck him.
I don't feel bad at all.
And I DO hope God gives him what he deserves.
Asshole.

I got bored and went on that Omegle website again.
I know, I know. haha. Bad choice.
But I met some guy named Corneliu from Romania on there.
Very interesting.
It's cool talking to people who see the world from a different perspective.
I think Americans think too much about themselves.
Like, there, everyone knows at least two different languages, but here, if you don't know english; we just think you should. We're not trying to learn yours. ha.
It's been interesting conversations though.
He's very attractive. ha.
But he's soooo far away.

Why do I always meet hot amazing men online that live at least 100 miles away?

The internet is evil, I swear.

I'm still not desperate enough again though to try another long distant relationship. Nope. Never worth it.

I'll just continue being a walking door mat for the ones that live closer.

Sigh.

I'm done.
Peace.

Is It Killing You Like It's Killing Me?

I slept for 20 hours yesterday.

I haven't been laid in over a month.

The guy I wanna bone has his ex girlfriend whom he was REALLY REALLY into, writing "Miss ya" on his facebook wall.

And I'm too fuckin high to figure out what his status update means.
"If you listen like I thought you should, you just might get it"

In all reality, it prolly doesn't mean shit; but I'm all, "God, if he goes for another girl while I'm sitting here thinking about kissing him every fuckin day; I just might lose my fuckin mind." And it'd hurt really bad.

I need a life.
A job.
Something to find someone new.
Because this is just fuckin torture waiting around for nothing.

Because we were supposed to hang last week.
But it wasn't good timing. My period, his work/hoes/whatever he's telling me.

It kills me waiting. I keep feeling like he'll never see me again.

But he's still got my DVD; so even if he tried never to see me again; I'll hunt his ass down for that fuckin DVD. Just watch me.

I'm rambling. But that's okay. I need a good ramble. I need a venting spot. Right now I don't care if people read this and think I'm a dumbass or boring. Because this is entertaining the shit out of me right now.

My great aunt, Janet, came down for the week. I'm glad it was only a week.
Her voice is a constant whine.
I hate whiners.
"Heyyyy, I'm soooo sorryyyyyy. I thought that was yourrrrrrssssss."

Shut the fuck up, bitch.

I'm a little hostile, no?

Anyways. The mexicans sang, "Happy Birthday" to my grandma at Don Jose's for her birthday. Except it wasn't "Happy Birthday" at all. It was something with blanca's and whey(sp??)'s. Which means 'white lady' and 'stupid'. So I told my grandma this and Janet is all, "Iiiii don't knowwww. I think that they don't knoowww everyone doesn't speak spanissssssh. I might not knowwww as much Spanish as youuuuu, but they could get in troubleee for thattttttttatatat."

You don't know Spanish, bitch?
Then WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING?!
I hate when dumbass people try to argue with me and say they're "right" and that I'm "wrong" whenever I know that I'm closer to being right than they'll ever be.

Eff her.

I had to spend all day yesterday with her. I went to get my hair cut. I wanted like a "scene" cut. I thought the cut was cute. But my hairdresser apparently didn't so she settled on giving me lots of layers and side bangs. Which wasn't what I wanted, but I look cute for now. When it grows out in 4 months; I'll go to a better stylist.

We went to Red Lobster though afterwards. I've never felt like  I "needed" a drink to deal with people...but I kept staring at the alcoholic beverage menu like a fat bitch watches Cake Boss. I would've killed someone for a Long Island Iced Tea.

Oh wait....while I'm thinking about it....

Attention Country Music Artists:
Please stop making rap into your song. Sugarland, Jason Aldean and Colt Ford for example. I know, I know. It seems like a "fresh and new" idea. Rap AND country. Two great genres in one? That must be great! But guess what? It's horrible. It's like mixing cocaine and meth. Seems like two great drugs, but mixed together and you're going to either die or wish that you were dead.  So please cut it out. It's scary.
Thanks.

Anyways.

I'm done with that.
It's really cold in my room.
And I'm not even halfway dressed like I usually am.

OH! Larry left me alone. For good.
And I haven't cried about it.
That must be a good sign.
Yayayayayayayay!

I wish Eric would text me.... :(

I'm an idiot.
Really though.


I probably need to find something to do.
Adios.

Life Is Just What Happens To You...When You're Busy Making Other Plans

I must be a damn psychic.

Remember when I said that those plans wouldn't go down???
WELL.
Thhhheyyyy didn't.

His cute little Facebook status' keeps saying "KO'd: tangerine dream". I wish I cared enough to write "PO'd: eric". But then he'd have the upper hand. Whoever cares less, controls the relationship....even though we're not in one...well...friends...ish.

But I'm pretty disappointed. Even though I'm on my period anyways, so it's not like I'd get what I REALLY want. He thinks I go over there for the smoke...but I only do that to get what I really want. I want his laugh, his sarcastic jokes, his goofy insecure statements, the feel of his heart beating too fast, the way he smells, the lingering kisses and the rushed touches. Mmm. THAT'S my favorite part.

So, I'm sure we'll hang out soon. But still. It's never often/soon enough for me. Ever.

I hate that I'm so in love with something that will never go anywhere.

Sigh.


On another note, my ex contacted me. Telling me he's not going to be paying off the rest of the electric bill that we owed on when we lived together. He agreed to do it because my parents, grandma and uncle all chipped in to pay for his doctor's visit because he was randomly passing out and throwing up afterwards. But now that I'm being "such a big bitch"; he's declining to pay it.

I'm the bitch?! I'm. The. Bitch.
Asshole.

And not the cute, charming likeable assholes that I love. He's the bad kind.
He's spent weeks accusing me of being a whore and sleeping around with everyone in town, that all my friends are druggies and he's gonna "bust" us when he gets on with the police department (I pray to God that he doesn't) and that I'm a disappointment to my family. And I haven't done a thing to him but ask him to leave me alone.

I think his exact words were: "You're a bitch. And I can't wait until someone you love...like...ohhhh...let's say....YOUR MOTHER!!!...wakes up and tells you to your face how heartless of a fuckin bitch you are. You treat everyone like shit, you fuckin whore!"

It's sweet really. Definitely Hallmark material.

If I were a violent person...I'd drive by his house, get out and beat his face in.

But I'm not.
Too bad.


I'm finally going to be able to go home tomorrow and not be here at my grandma's. Since Andy went and got wi-fi at the house though; I'll be able to keep up with this blog like I've been doing. Which probably won't matter, because in a month or two I'll prolly slack on this like I do every other journal/diary/blog thing. Maybe not though. People do change....Ha...nevermind.

My aunt had surgery on her arm too. It wasn't that gangrene stuff. It was staph. So they went in and cleaned it and she's back to being her normal complaining self-pitying self. Oh joy. But I do love her. And it's better than her being dead. Which if she doesn't stop drinking mason jars full of beer/whiskey with her pain pills; might be soon.

That's about all I got though.
Yup.

It's back to Dexter. I just started on the series. So far, it's good. I can't decide if Michael C. Hall is cute or not though. It's very borderline. Hmm.

Boredom Ensues

Don't do this website thing....I think it's called omegle?? Yeah. They set you up with random people to chat with. Mostly it's indian guys asking to see your boobies and stuff. NOT FUN.

Another thing....I'm really excited to hang out with someone today. :)))

The only downside??
My period.
And my aunt is going to the doctor's to have surgery.
Annnnd I haven't slept.

Maybe I can make it to my hot "date" though. ;P Fingers crossed.



It probably won't happen though....bummer.

Wait, They Don't Love You Like I Love You

I slept pretty hardcore yesterday after my aunt made us a taco/burrito dinner.
Then I woke up at 2 am, ate some Hawaiian sweet rolls and then tried to sleep again. But with a full iPod...I didn't find rest. I was too busy rocking out and pretending I was the one that wrote the songs and was famous.

Oh. Dreams.

But then I smelled something yum at 7 am, so I got up and all of a sudden...BREAKFAST! Yum. Quick shower and all that jazz.

My aunt was tweakin' or something though. She couldn't stay still. She kept drinking a bunch of coffee and she didn't sleep the day before. She made all the breakfast, refilled my drink a gazillion times and whatnot. So I needed some chillaxing time.

So I went home and tried some good stuff.

For the first 20 minutes, I was like...hey...when is this stuff gonna kick in? But then I determined that I was high when I was watching Jeopardy and cussing the contestants out.

Alex: "What is the only state in the U.S. that does not have a historic site, monument or battlefield?"
Dumbass Contestant: "What is Hawaii???"
Me: "What. The. Fuck, Man???? It's called Pearl Harbor! No wonder you're $1,000 in the hole. How the fuck did you get on Jeopardy anyhow?"

So then I changed the channel. I'm not sure what happened in between. All I know is that the Casey Anthony trial was on tv one minute and then I'm waking up the next. I was knocked out for a pretty good amount of time though.

Definitely what I needed to feel not so shitty.

Hopefully the febreze covered that smell up though.
I don't need my mom asking questions when we go back home.
:/

Oh well. It was worth it.

I finally finished updating my iPod though, ya'll. It was pretty dumb. I have my "Top Rated" ones ranging from three-five stars and I love that playlist because I know all I have to do is click on it and it'll weed out all the not so good shit. So I had to hand rate them one by one. Grr. It ended up being 500-600 favorite songs.

I've been listening to Right Away, Great Captain! alot. It's been a while since I've listened to em...and they're still yumtastic. :)

Anyways.

I can't wait to hang out with meh I-wish-he-were-my-man. :D
Mmm.

Adios.

Take Everything But The Fire

I'm in a better mood, at least.
That's something.

So, my ex, has backed off a little bit since a few days ago. I maybe get 10 phone calls a day now from him...maybe 7 txt messages. They've kinda migrated from, "Hey, bitch, grow up," to "I don't wanna be your whole life...I just wanna be your favorite part...".

Really?

What. A. Charmer.

I know I should be grateful that he has backed off on the mean stuff, but I think sometimes I'd rather hear it than the suck-up-I-love-you-baby stuff. Because he doesn't love me or he wouldn't hate everything about me. And he doesn't exactly hate everything about me if he's so obsessed with me that he can't think straight. So. He needs to go back on those bipolar meds. That's probably the best thing for him.

Do I want to be his friend anymore?
See.
I wish I could just sit here and say, "Hell no"...but it's hard for me to turn my back on anyone. It's a character flaw, probably. Maybe I'll fix it soon. Because now even thinking about being his friend again makes me wanna throw myself into an on-coming sno-cone truck. Maybe the sno-cone man would take pity on me and give me a free one. Tiger's Blood, baybeh!

Anyways.

SO. I also got to see my Amberz today. :) It wasn't too eventful though. Do you ever have soo many things to tell someone and soo many things to discuss, that you end up freezing on everything you were going to say and end up not talking about anything? Because that's what happened on my part. She kept throwing things out there to discuss and I would, but when it came time to discuss my life I just kept shooting blanks. I gave a quick synopsis on everything. Maybe if I had gave the long version, I could've finished my plum wine. Which, by the way, isn't bad but isn't good. So, that was that. I guess it was good times. Could've been way better though.

I think my little brother's girlfriend broke up with him. But I'm not sure. She wrote on Facebook, "Just want to let everyone know, because I won't be able to get on the internet until Tuesday, but I'm not with Andrew anymore!!!".

Bitch.
Grow up. Stop Facebooking your breakups.

Makes me kinda sad for him, because he thought she was the one and whatnot. They've been together for about 2 years...ish...maybe only a year and a few months. But still. That's a while. He spent almost all his money on her. Bought her a $75 necklace when she was having period cramps. I said Midol was cheaper, but what do I know, right???

Oh well though. Poor, Bubbie. I guess it's back to watching porn on his iPod and chatting it up with girls that were way better than his current girlfriend anyway. They might even be cheaper.

As far as my relationship shit goes...it's going.

HOPEfully, I will get to hang out with a certain someone soon. Even if I am on my period, I will still makeout hardcore. I'm that desperate for some kind of touching. I will be a kissing whore.

And that's that. For now. I suppose. I feel like I still got a lot to say.
But I don't.

Peace. Out.

My name is Talky Tina, and I'm going to kill you

These have NOT been good days.
Not at all.

Well. First...since this is the shortest comment...I wish a certain someone would make plans with me instead of being shady and not messaging me. That'd be nice. I'd rather have someone say, "Uh, no, bitch, I hate you. We're not hanging out," than have someone not respond at all. Okay? Okay.

Next...prepare yourself, because this is going to take a looooong time...Larry. My ex. Oh. The biggest fuck up of my life. I used to think this was too harsh of a statement, because SURELY I'd done something worse than dating him. But no. I resign to the fact that he is definitely my number one fuck up (so far) in life. In the last 3 days, I have received well over 300 missed phone calls. I blocked his number after the first 10 to go straight to my vmail, but then SOMEONE got a little smarter than usual and started calling from a "private number". Okay, so I still know who it is that's calling, but I can't friggin block it anymore. And even though my default ringtone is "Gasoline" by Brand New, and I love it; I had to turn that shit off after about the 30th time it rang. It still vibrates though. Then after he noticed that I wouldn't answer those pesky little "private number" phone calls; he masked his number as the restaurant that I put my application in. Then as one of my friend's that he had the number of. I saw through that little scheme too after I picked up my phone and didn't hear Ed's voice, but instead his voice calling me an "immature little bitch".
On top of that, I have enough vmails that my box is full. Mostly they're saying, "Talk to me. You're a fucking bitch. Grow the hell up.".
Then the text messages I have are all saying how I suck and I ruin his life and how I'm a bitch and how he's coming over if I don't answer my phone and how I'm a whore and obviously sleeping with everyone in a 10 mile radius. On and on and on and on....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

"And what did you do to deserve this?," you ask?

I didn't answer his text message when he wanted me to.

Yup.

So he called me, I picked up, he asked if I were busy, I said no that I was away from my phone because I went to my house to get a new book before I went back to my grandma's, to which he got all condescending again and asshole-y and said, "Riiiiiiiight. I'm sure you're not hanging with your friends, huh?". So I hung up. Because he has accused me of being in the wrong for answering my phone when I'm with him. And that's a PROBLEM, apparently. Since when can't I answer a fuckin text message? Huh?

HE'S NOT EVEN MY BOYFRIEND ANYMORE!

He kept asking me about who I'm sleeping with now as if he's going to hunt the guy down or something. I am sleeping with someone, but he doesn't know that. And he doesn't need to know. He acts as if I'm supposed to follow his rules.

And the thing that pisses me off the most about this whole situation......he put me through hell in our relationship. He emotionally, sexually and verbally abused me.
And I'm the bad person?
I'm a bad person because sometimes I'm sarcastic?
I'm a bad person because I'm not always around my phone?
I'm a bad person because I decided to move on from a relationship?

I know I'm not without my faults. I may not even realize them all. But I NEVER treated him the way he treated me. I wanted to be friends after our break-up, because that's how I usually am. But he's made me second guess that. I can't take him driving by my house at night. I keep having nightmares that he finds me out alone and tries to hurt me. And I think he would for real.

I just want it to stop.

If he doesn't stop in the next day...I'm going to the police station with this.
I don't care if all they do is go by his house and tell him to stop.
I'll take anything.



Then, on top of that, my aunt went to the doctor's today. Her ex-drug dealer boyfriend (she's the "black sheep", by the way) pushed her back in December and messed up her shoulder almost beyond repair. Well since then she has done a poor job of taking care of it. And now her doctor says she has grangrene in her arm and it's going to have to be amputated.
So, of course, she shows up at our home drunk. Well, my grandma's home, because that's where I've been lately.

She waited for about an hour and then quietly gathered her stuff and walked home. But we didn't know she left. We didn't even know where she went. So we freaked out. My mom and grandma didn't really care where she went...well they did...but they weren't the ones that wanted to go look for her; I was. So we went to some janky house and then ended up by her apartment. She was hiding in her own closet from us. Really? Reallllly??? So after she complained for over an hour about how we hate her and how we judge her and think she's a pill-head and drunk (which, she is), she finally got out and went into her house with her weird sex buddy/friend/druggie/guy that's supposed to have left 2 months ago because she "hates" him whatever-he-is.

Gah.

But...my brother helped me put a new Windows 7 OS in my computer today because the other one was major suck and I'm basically finished transferring all my files back. My itunes is all that i have left. Since I have over 6,000 songs...it should only take...oh....3 hours to transfer. But it's worth it.


My rant is done.
For now.


----Courtney :)

Wikipedia Is My Lover

I love Wikipedia!! When I'm bored, I'll start on one page with one group of thoughts and wonders, and then I end up on something completely random and different from the original look-up. So there's a few things today that I learned/found interesting/wondered about on Wikipedia.

1.) Sailor Moon---Um, this was...well, I guess, is...my favorite anime. My cousin and I even started a club at our elementary school where we were Sailor Scouts. I was Sailor Mars. I read the character profiles on all the Scouts and saw that I picked a pretty cool character back then. "Sailor Mars: Rei is portrayed as boy-crazy in the early anime and short-tempered throughout, but is uninterested in romance and is self-controlled and sarcastic." Yup. I'd say that's a good description on how I actually turned out in real life. Ha.

2.) Mythological creatures---I love them all, but I really like the overly sexualized women ones. Like Sirens and Succubi. It's funny to me that the moral of the these creatures are that beautiful woman will lead you into dangerous temptations and leave you empty. I think it'd be pretty cool to have sex with random men and steal their souls during it. I mean, if a guy can have sex with me, make me fall in love with him and leave unscathed; then why can't I do it too? It's only right.

3.) Superhuman features and powers---I want super powers. For sure. I've decided that I want Omniscience (ability to know anything and everything), Precognition (ability to perceive the future), Telepathy (ability to read thoughts of others) and Mind control (ability to control the actions and thoughts of others). Yup. Good stuff.

4.) Crayola Crayons---Did you know they have a Jazzberry Jam? That's jazz-tastic. Makes me wanna go buy a brand new box. Oh. And does anyone else remember the Metallic FX ones? Those were my favorite. IMournThe90's. :(

5.) Dystopia---Totally my favorite theme in Science Fiction. Farenheit 451 is my favorite example of this. The Hunger Games is a more popular recent one. I could spend everyday of the rest of my life reading about dystopian societies. They make you think. They take human relationships/interactions or societies and give it a futuristic satirical twist. Mmmm, good.

6.) Bigamy---I had a dream that I was one of several wives of David Boreanaz. Which is weird. Haha. But it got me curious. I think it's because I read the synopsis for The Handmaiden's Tale by Margaret Atwood (which is about a dystopian society where men have several wives/slaves). But it got me curious on the subject. I mean. I watch Sister Wives on TLC. I don't know if I could be with a man who is having sex with 2 or more other women. I've never been good at sharing. It's basically an excuse to cheat. So here's the thing people: if you can't be monogamous...stay single! You can fuck around for free. And then you don't have to worry about your wives bitching all the time. Or babies. Lots and lots of babies.

Things of Momentary Interest

Sylvia Plath
She has always been someone that I found interest in. I remember reading one of her poems in high school and then our teacher telling us that she stuck her head in an oven to kill herself. Turns out that she made trips to the loony bin and was perscribed anti-depressants. That's not the part that interests me the most though. I mean, killing yourself with an oven is pretty weird...but I think her relationship with Ted Hughes is something that piques more curiousity. It's like her depression calmed after she met him. That she found love and was content. They fell in love through poetry. Two people who compulsively write and whose feelings are always on the verge of bubbling over. I bet they had some pretty juicy fights. But Ted Hughes cheated. He started having sex with some woman who was renting an old home from both him and Sylvia. And so they split. She was put on some anti-depressant pills and then she either intentionally or was just trying to get a reaction out of someone...she killed herself. Some people think Ted Hughes did it because her journals and several pieces of her work went "missing" after she died. And then his mistress killed herself shortly thereafter too. I feel pity for ole Syl. It's like everything was the way it should've been...one day she was writing love letters to her husband about bees and the next he's disappointing her by sleeping with someone else. Like most men. Well, most PEOPLE. Women are just as equally guilty of disappointing. 


Eva Braun
She was Hitler's wife of 36 hours/mistress (apparently, I'm on a mistress kick). So little is said of her. She tried to kill herself twice. Some say to keep Hitler's interest. She was soo depressed and was left alone many times to her own devices. She was held in private in a seperate chamber away from Hitler. She wasn't allowed to dye her hair or even wear it up because he didn't like her "change of appearance". You'd think she was being held captive against her will. But she expressed love for him. And even though he hated animal cruelty (which, by the way, how can you KILL innocent people but be a vegitarian??), he let her use cosmetics made from animals. He let her sunbathe naked even though he hated it. She pretty much did whatever she wanted, but she was unhappy. He was heard saying that an intelligent man should always want of a "primitive, stupid woman" in front of her. How can you love a man who basically orders you around and then calls you stupid? Was she stupid? A close friend of Hitler's said that she would "disappoint historians". Is this because she really was a stupid woman? Sometimes I want to think that she was, because I can't imagine a woman going through everything she went through and then chewing on cyanide to kill yourself for a man. But a part of me wants to believe that she was a woman who hoped for the love of a man who could never love her as fiercely. A woman who watched romantic movies and wished she wasn't left alone at night to hold herself. A woman who knew only of the best of the man she loved and didn't know his cruelty. Because then that would be more satisfying than a stupid woman who tries to kill herself for attention.

Jane Eyre
I read this novel in high school, and I only cared for the first couple of chapters where Jane goes to Lowood. But I read it again out of curiousity/boredom. It's probably one of the best love stories ever written. It's real and not flowery and Harlequin-like. I like it...no....love it. A little girl grows up with no love and then discovers it in a man twice her age. A man who has deemed himself unworthy of love and feasts on lust instead of commitment falls in love with an innocent girl. But he has to lose his pride to gain her heart and she has to learn to make independent choices and stand alone to truly appreciate his love. Maybe in real life men don't have crazy secret lunatic wives in their attic, but it's true that in love, there's sacrifice. There's compromise. In order to love someone, you have to let your walls down and rely on them. You have to focus on honesty and love someone for their flaws and mistakes. And I think that message is beautiful. Even if I never find that in real life.

Divergent
I read this new novel by Veronica Roth. It's Hunger Games-ish. It's pretty good. I like the dystopian society themes in most science fiction novels. And this is purely that. Future Chicago is broken into five groups: Amity (peaceful), Erudite (intelligent), Abnegation (selflessness), Candor (honesty) and Dauntless (bravery). Everyone must choose the category in which they will inhibit when they turn 16. Just like how 18 year olds now have to decide their whole lives and determine their choice of career/college. The story is supposed to look at how bravery and selflessness are the same...but it's really just a love story. That's okay though. Science fiction love stories are the best. Definitely worth the read, by the way.