As I Burn, You Burn Out

A bunch of bullshit has happened.

Instead of trying to cram in all of my feelings and moments that have happened in the recent past, I'm going to forget it and just talk about the now.

I know, you miss a lot of exciting shit, but "yolo" right? Fuckin hate yolo. Annoying.

Anyways.

Sooooooo much drama at work.

I wondered why Blake was acting so rude towards me....turns out people said I was talking shit. AKA: Morgan and Pick.
I know this because the only things I've said about Blake and his new girl, Shania, (yeah...he got a gf...who also works with us...) I said to only those two.

And they were:

Blake came up there to see Shania in the soda fountain. It was 8 pm and close to closing and I was a closer. So when Morgan asked if we needed anything, I jokingly said, "Yeah. Will you please send Shania home, because I'm tired of seeing Blake's face." Which. I meant like, "I'm tired of seeing two teenagers flirt all night," but I guess someone thought it meant, "I'm jealous."
Hm.
Not really.

On Sunday Shania sat Blake's section.
Me: "Well, well. Since you sat your boyfriend you gotta go outside and get him cause he yells at me."
Shania: "He's not my boyfriend!! haha" *walks away*
*Pick standing next to me looking at me*
Me: *in a dull bored tone* fuck me, pick. just. fuck me.
*Pick laughs and walks away to say something to Blake*
I honestly don't give a fuck. I was just trying to be funny because Pick always picks on me for being Blake's "girlfriend".

I mean. Honestly. I do give a fuck. I really do. It bothers me that Blake is talking to anyone at all other than me because I did like him.

HOWEVER, I have been going out of my way to be a big girl about it and keep my disappointments and accusations to myself and my two other best friends at the moment. I haven't talked shit at work. I haven't said anything that anyone else hasn't said.

The other morning, Shania's sister, who is our manager, was talking shit about it all day with her boyfriend who is our bus dish.

...this store is really fucked up now that i think about it. Everyone is related and whatever.

Anyways...Morgan thinks it's cool to go to Blake and tell him that I'm saying "shit about him" whenever she's the one who said that her sister "wasn't going to be a nobody. She was going to be something in life. Not a high school drop out like Blake."?
It's okay to say that Blake is basically not good enough for your sister and is a fuck up...and her boyfriend said worse shit...THAT'S okay, but what I said about sending her sister home so I didn't have to see a guy that I'm trying to get over flirt with a girl that I'm trying to not hate, that's NOT okay?

Haha.

But I'm the bad one. I'm the jealous one. I'm just sooooo jealous of a sixteen year old girl having a huge crush on an 18 year old who couldn't even kiss me properly and then freaked out when things got too far?
He was making out with her basically last night at work by his car.
So I'd say she's having better luck.
They're probably going to be a good couple for a little while.
And I'm glad he's happy and is sorta getting his shit together.

I'm basically over Blake anyway. It just is seeing the relationship unfold in front of me that hurts. And maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if Blake hadn't stopped being my friend and started hating me overnight.

He sent me a message saying, "Good. Get the fuck out of my life then."

I drove him an hour out of town to get weed for him.
I stopped at numerous gas stations to get cigarettes for him when he was 17.
I bought him McDonald's before I'd come over and get him high.
I'd drive him to fast food at 3 a.m. for breakfast even after I told him I didn't want to.
I rushed to get away from my family on Christmas just so I could spend time with him.
I spent New Year's with HIM instead of ERIC. And we alllll know how much I love my Eric time. For real.

I did sooooo much for him.

I felt like we were friends and that I could trust him.
But if he thinks I'm the person who would backstab him and slander his name every where; then I guess I shouldn't have trusted him at all.

And it's sad. And yeah, in my heart, I was jealous for a few days. But I've always been able to move on quickly and after a few days, all was healed. Until he went and made this big thing at work.

And I saw him talking behind my back telling people to schedule him on days I don't work and shit.

But I....I.....Me....IIIIIIIII...I talked shit.

Hahahaha.


Fuck off.

I'll never understand why people who are so desperate for someone to care about them, push away the people who want to care about them the most.

Just goes to show that people show you their true selves through their actions and not their words.

And I have to accept that Blake is 18 and he doesn't know who he is and he's going to be an asshole.

End of a friendship. And so much wasted time.

Onto new relationships and awkward time.

Which.

Hopefully.

Eric will be seeing me soon.
My birthday and such.
He's been being very good to me.
I'm not going to get into intimate details on our sex life, but you can definitely tell he's trying to get me to come see him more often. ;)

And I love his kisses.

I'm so stupid for liking this asshole.

But hey.
At least he stayed my friend through some rough patches instead of running.
Because he knew who I was and that I was honest even to a fault.
And he accepted that.

And those are true friends.