Love Is A Country That Won't Be Overcome

I'm trying to be a good girl and not smoke.
I really am.
It's just hard whenever all your friends do it, everyone at your work does it and then you have your friends saying, "Hey, come over and do it."
I just wanna crawl in a hole and hibernate for the next 3 months.
I used to feel pride in it.
I used to like the feeling of being the girl with the best bud in town.
But it's like...when the bud runs out then so do your buds.
And I feel scared to say that I don't know who I am whenever I'm not smoking.
That's been my identity for the last few years. That's all I've discussed with other people. It's been my excuse to hang out with friends.
It's hardest at night whenever I'm alone and I know I can smoke and I know I shouldn't. It got to the point where I dumped my shit weed down the toliet so that I wouldn't be tempted to smoke it last night.
I feel proud that I got rid of it before I smoked it.
But today....all I keep thinking is how much I shouldn't smoke it while my friends are all, "We'll come over tonight and smoke you out for once last time."
I had a last time, twice before, these last couple of nights.
Would this last time be the last time or will it just be another "last time" on a list of them?
I feel like it does take "one day at a time" to overcome this feeling.
But it's hard to do on a Scarlett O'Hara "tomorrow is another day" mentality.