Can't You Love Me Another Day?

I'm angry.
I'm angry that you were my friend.
I told you so much.
You trusted in me.
We shared so many things with one another.
I know you felt what was between us.
Then one day you just decide to blow me off.
Pretend I don't exist.
But I do.

I'm sorry if I acted in a way that told you I didn't want you.
Because I do.

And if you're blowing me off because you don't want a relationship with me; then you're dumb. Because I can be your friend.

Everyone in your life has abandoned you. Left you to fend for yourself. Clean up your own hurt and mend your own scars. No one has really loved you how you should've been loved. But I could.
See.
I see your intelligence. I see the care and kindness. The ambition to be something more than you are but the humbleness to accept the burdens along the way.

I kinda fell for you.

I spend too much time thinking about you.
Everyday I do it.
And they say if you think about something everyday; then you don't throw it away. You keep it. You try to salvage it.

These last few weeks without knowing you has been torture.
I keep wanting to confide in you. To share your space. Feel your appreciation for my thoughts, wants and feelings.



So uh.
Basically....



I miss you.

Well, I Guess This Is Growing Up

Sometimes I think I know more than I do. I really think it has to do with my age group. We all think we have it all figured out. We have passion for the things that drive us in life and we always think we're the "acception" to the rule. "We'll be better than our parents because of...," fill in the blank. I always thought that I was smart enough to learn from other's mistakes, but I find myself using their lives as a guideline instead. It's a confusing time in your life when you feel like you can conquer the world but all you have to face your battles are your words.

I've come to relish in the bliss of mornings where I lay in my silky sheets and stare out my window thinking about my shortcomings, mistakes, successes, loves and losses. Call it narcissism, but I find myself more interesting than anyone else. And I think it's because I know that I'll never fully understand who I am. I'm a research project. I change everyday based on new perspectives that have thrown themselves in my way.

Who will I be 10 years from now?

Will I finally put down my insecurities and protective shield and allow myself to fall in love? Will I be dumb enough to marry someone? Will it last? Will I contribute to our country's divorce rate? Because I don't want to just play the game to play it. If I fall, I want to have a place to land and a hand to hold when I get there. The unsteadiness of love discomforts me. Will I fall in love with someone that annoys the shit out of me? Because I've seen it happen. And I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling superior or enraged. Will I fall in love alone? Because I've done that enough already. It's the worst feeling going home at night, not sleeping because you want to belong to someone who's already stopped thinking about you days ago. And I have a feeling that guy will still be on my mind in my weakest moments in the future.

Am I any better than I was before? Am I any more the wise?

Or am I still in that phase where I think I know it all, and I still don't? And how do you know?

When will I ever know when I've grown up?

If I ever do...

I'm A Beatles To These Young Kids

I slept with Eric.
Blake basically doesn't talk to me anymore.
I've been texting Eric's best friend, Bryce.
He kinda sucks.
Keeps asking for tit pics then getting mad when I accuse him of asking for tit pics.
I'm downloading music.
Mac Miller.
Rihanna.
First Aid Kit.
Alabama Shakes.
Anything I can do illegally; I will.
And that includes smoking some pot while doing all these tasks.


Whenever I feel like explaining myself further; I'll pop on in.
Til next time, bitches...