I Could Say So Much, But I Don't Go There, Cause I Don't Want To

I texted Larry to see if he paid our utility bill...again.

He was supposed to pay it off because my family helped him with his medical expenses.
But he probably didn't.
Why?
Because he's a BIG FUCKIN DOUCHEBAG!!
That's why.

He kept calling me a whore and a stoner (which, okay, given recent weed intake, I can't deny, but it's still not his right to name call). He was all, "Have fun with your new stoner boyfriend."

I guess he thinks I'm dating Blake because he lives on an adjacent street from Blake and I'm pretty sure he can at least see my car over there 4-5 times during the week. But Blake and I are just friends (I'll get to that later).

It just makes me mad that he makes up these things about me in his head that aren't true and even when I tell him the truth, he still thinks he's correct.

What a dumb fuck.

I'm just pissed at him.
Really.
He fucked my life up.
He raped me, okay?
I'm supposed to go on emotionally from that and he's sitting around not caring and, instead of saying sorry, calls me names and puts me down.
Out of all the guy's I've dated/met/loved, he's always been the best at hitting something animalistic inside of me and making me crack.

But I'm done with it.
He's not worth even the breath God gives him.

****Breathe!!!*****
****And Exhale!!!*****

Alrighty....

Well, Blake and I are just friends and that's okay.
Except I'd appreciate it if he didn't tease me by joking about making out, or telling me where he masturbates or saying, "No, Courtney, I won't kiss you", whenever I haven't even said anything about it.
I don't understand why he keeps mentioning sex.
Maybe he does like me more than a friend.
But based on previous assessments; he doesn't. And I'm not going to even go back down the road of thinking he will.
It only leads to letdowns.

But he is of age now.
So that's a plus.

Eric said he might be going to jail. I thought maybe he was, but he messaged his hoe on Facebook recently, so I guess he's just done talking to ME. Which, is kinda okay. I figured he would anyway. The last time he saw me; he was a complete douchebag and the sex was God awful.
He couldn't even get it up.
And that's not the first time.
I don't understand how you can't maintain a hard-on whenever you have it rubbing against some girl's wet pussy while she's begging you to fuck her.
How does that even happen?
Sorry about the graphic scenario, but really, I'm not going to sugar coat it by "penis" and "vagina" and PG-13 words. Makes it waaay more dumb.
I'm still not over him. That'll still take time. But I'm in the process.

I need time to myself.
Because I'm not happy.
I'm drowning.
Sometimes I just wanna never wake up.
And that's not me.
I need to find myself within my own soul and stop waiting for a man to come and save me from myself.
Yup.

well, anyway...I'm done rambling.

Court