I Don't Want Pity, I Just Want What Is Mine

I'm horrible at keeping up blogs.

Damn.

What's new?

Well, I got Eric to talk to me.
I don't know what got him to do it, but he agreed to meet me in person to talk stuff through. I thought, "Hey, this is a positive move". But then later, when he finally agreed to set up a time to meet to have our adult closure talk, he asked me to get him free weed.

What?

So. You wanna knock me up, right?
Then not take care of your child, right?
And then ask me for an abortion, right?
Then be a dick...and then you want me to bring you free weed....to talk to me....about YOUR kid...that you don't want....and you want me to come there to YOUR house...and waste MY gas money...and you wanna do it after 12 am, when our "usual" fuck sessions usually went down?
Right?
Rightttt?!!
Am I leaving anything out?

Fuck.

His highlight text messages:

"Yeah i was gonna talk to ya about that. Didn't care for the wording, the truth will come out?? I've been telling you truth since june i dunno how me being in person would change that. And i was fine with fucking being the way we left off. that was the majority of our relationship afterall. Seemed befitting. Most people would be happy to end on that"

"Not just sex, or i would've said it was the entirety of our relationship. majority yes. just saying it's a fine way of ending things in general. nah we can still talk, the truth wording had me thrown off for the most part."

"Well as much as i wanna go into this sober, i don't. So once some smoke comes this way we'll make a date. Cool? Cool."

"Well if you think you can get some smoke, ,we can do this rather soon. Tonight or tomorrow better for ya?" (meaning free weed. that he won't pay for.)

"Haha. I said forget about the weed girl. We'll still get the talking done, and as much as i'd love for you to bring me weed everytime we talk (we'd probably talk a lot more haha) the last thing i need is for you to say i owe you something else. So it's cool."

"Psh, i gave you the gift of life. Weed should be a given. And you used to do it every now and then & now you're against it? seems backwards."

"Well we could fuck if that could help give you some sort of reasoning as to why you're giving me the weed haha but the fact is i'm not even 100% sure I'm leaving yet so i doubt it'd be the last time i see ya but stranger things have happened."




What. A. Piece. Of. Shit.

Seriously.

"We could fuck." <---- First of all, no. No we could NOT fuck ever again. Unless, A.) You grow the fuck up and decide to be a dad and get your shit together, and/or B.) You grow the fuck up and step up and sex would mean something to you other than just sex. Which it won't. So no. And the audacity of him to even suggest it, is crazy to me. I'm 7 months pregnant with your child that you're not going to take responsibility for. Stupid asshole.

"I'm not even 100% sure I'm leaving yet." <----So I ask you for a closure talk about why you're not going to step up, and you're so desperate for weed that you come clean with the fact that you're not even really serious about leaving? Or else you're so desperate for weed that you'd LIE to make me think you'll stick around longer. OR you lied the whole time and never were leaving at all. All options are horrible.
And really, if you're not leaving, good; I can get child support faster knowing where you are.

"I gave you the gift of life." <----I'm glad that he finds it amusing to the point where he's not taking it seriously at all. He doesn't have to live with being pregnant and raising a daughter.

"i doubt it'd be the last time I see ya" <----So, either you really want weed, or you planned on keeping up communication with me the whole time. I'm all for him changing his mind about being a dad....but I feel like he's trying to play games with me for free bud. Which is not cool.

And that whole first message was just fucked up all together. I'm not fine with sex being the way we left off. I'm going to have a daughter with his features and his attitude and his genetics. Why would I NOT want closure from him as to why he isn't going to be around for her? That's all I want. And now it looks like I'm going to have to buy his time with weed to get that closure. I don't want to, but I've told him three days in a row no, but he keeps asking. So it's like he's saying, "Bitch, free weed and a talk or no talk at all."

I'm desperate to go there and talk.
Why? I'm not sure.
Part of me hopes he changes his mind and steps up.
But I feel like even if he said he would; it'd be a lie at this point. I can't trust him.

And if he doesn't decide to step up; I really want him to look me in the eye and say so. I want him to see me pregnant, and be able to deny his daughter. I want to know why or even how he could do it.

I want to tell him to fuck off and die too.

This sucks.

He's crazy.





I need sleep.