I'm A Joker. I'm A Smoker. I'm A Midnight Toker. And I Get My Lovin' On The Run.

So. Much. Missed.

First:
Blake

I drank some tequila with him and Jocelyn. Jocelyn dares me to show my boobs.
I say no.
I say no again.
I repeatedly say no.....
Until.......
.........I say yes.
But my drunken mind was all, "Tell Blake only HE can see them! Yeah!".
Yeah?!!! NO!
But yeahhhh. I did.
(I don't think he saw nip though....)
Jocelyn left shortly thereafter.

And there we were. Me drunk and wanting to fuck him and him sober and wondering what the hell I was staying for.
Then we started arguing about who was gonna kiss who first and if we even wanted to. I had it in my mind that he didn't. But he did.
And then shit got out of hand and next thing I know I'm leaving his house saying, "Oh, my god, don't tell anybody I gave you a blowjob.....or showed you my boobs!" To which, he agreed.

But it was awkward.
And we were kinda sorta friends again for a week.
But now it's back to being awkward.
He went from hanging out with me everyday and texting me and being happy to be around me at work; to being distant, not texting me back, being shady, and making up excuses on why he can't hang out with me.
It sucks.
Even if he didn't wanna make out again; I thought we were friends.
We spent all the holidays together. And I really do miss his company.
I'm a dumbass for getting fucked up and blowing him.
That's a slutty thing to do too.
What. an. idiot.



Next:
Eric
He started texting me again. Wanting to hang out and give me weed.
I took the weed.
I haven't taken the dick yet though.
Not sure I want to.
Last time he gave me my green; he was picking up ice for a girl. Probably a girlfriend. Which means that I would still be leaving a guy's house in the early morning, with an empty heart and knowing that he'll never miss me.

Is it too much to be loved?
Respected?
Wanted?

I mean...really. Damn.

Finally:
My NEW FUCKIN APARTMENT!!!
Dat's rite fo'ks.
My little brother and I are leasing for a year in a new apartment. Of course, Zeus is here too. That little mutt has to stay.
Andy (my brother) bought so much Gain scented stuff, it's ridiculous.
Our home smells like "butterflies caught in the wind" or whatever the fuck the package says.
Slowly, but surely, my mind and body are becoming settled.
More stress with bills, but less stress of the mind.
Not sure if it's a win or not.

Wish me luck, hoes.

And if I can think of anything else to say of significance...well, I'll just pop right back the fuck on this computer and tell ya'll. I know you'd miss it if I didn't.

Court